How to be the guest who gets invited back
The text arrives Thursday afternoon. We have the boat on Saturday. Want to come?
There are few invitations that require less deliberation. Yes!
Only later does it occur to you that you have no idea what you’re supposed to bring, whether you’re allowed to wear shoes, who’s paying for fuel, or whether “we have the boat until five” means back around five or the boat had better be tied to the dock at 4:59.
What is the best Boat Club guest etiquette? How do you know what to bring or the implied rules if you’re not familiar with Boat Clubs?
To start, recognize that for the friend who invited everyone, the day starts early. There was a boat to reserve, weather to check, and don’t forget the supplies. More importantly, someone has assumed responsibility for a rather expensive vessel carrying several of their favorite people across the water.
Knowing that, you can appreciate that there’s an art to being the kind of boat club guest who gets invited again.
Keep in mind we’re discussing Boat Clubs, not yacht charters, and as such these are mostly found on upper-end recreational lakes. If you’re looking for superyacht guest tips, Town & Country has a nice writeup of yacht guest etiquette that touches on this topic as well.
A Little Boat Club Etiquette Goes a Long Way
Boat clubs have made recreational boating remarkably accessible. Members get access to a fleet without assuming all the responsibilities of traditional boat ownership.
For guests, that convenience can make the whole thing look suspiciously effortless. Show up. Step aboard. Enjoy boat.
But someone is still responsible for making the day work. The member generally handles the reservation and operation of the vessel. They’re also responsible for understanding club rules, return times, fuel procedures, weather restrictions, and what happens if somebody introduces white marine upholstery to a glass of Cabernet.
Good boat club etiquette starts with recognizing that responsibility overtly. Nobody expects a hostess gift. Nobody needs you to salute the captain. And there is rarely a compelling reason to arrive wearing anything with epaulettes.
Instead, think of it like being invited to someone’s vacation home for the afternoon. You aren’t expected to manage it, but you should respect the fact that someone else is responsible for it.
Arrive when asked. Bring what you’ve agreed to bring. Respect the boat. Follow the host’s lead.
The best boat guests aren’t necessarily experienced boaters, but they do need to respect a few key rules to make everyone’s day go more smoothly.
THE UNWRITTEN RULES
Arrive When You’re Asked to Arrive
“Meet at the marina at 10” generally means at the marina at 10, not beginning your search for parking at 9:59.
Loading passengers, bags, and drinks takes time. A punctual guest starts the day by removing stress rather than adding it.
Ask What Would Be Helpful to Bring
This may be the most useful question you can ask:
“What would be helpful for me to bring?”
Maybe it’s ice. Perhaps sandwiches or maybe it’s a particular drink. Also possible that the host genuinely has everything covered (don’t be that guy that asks 15 times “are you sure there’s nothing I can bring?” if your host has already clearly told you so).
What you want to avoid is independently deciding that eight people require a 100-quart cooler capable of provisioning a small Caribbean island.
Boats have limited storage, so proper coordination ahead of time is essential. Imagine bringing so much excess that you have to leave things sitting at the dock?
Understand the Shoe Situation
Every boater has opinions about shoes. For yachts and superyachts, the unwavering rule is always to take your shoes off before stepping aboard.
Most boat clubs are not going to be sending you out on a full-fledged yacht, so a little discretion is advised. Some allow appropriate deck shoes. Others prefer bare feet. Ask before stepping aboard rather than making your host inspect your footwear after you’ve already crossed the upholstery.
If the answer is shoes off, take them off.
This isn’t the moment for a closing argument about how clean your sneakers actually are.
Don’t Appoint Yourself First Mate
There is a fine line between being helpful and spontaneously joining the crew.
If someone asks you to grab a dock line, grab it. If nobody asks, docking is probably not the ideal moment to demonstrate the knot you vaguely remember from summer camp.
Sometimes the most helpful thing you can do while docking is nothing at all. The same applies to driving. Some members are perfectly happy letting an experienced friend take the helm when appropriate. Others aren’t. It also helps to pay attention to the Boat Club’s specific rules regarding eligibility to drive, including any mandatory on-site training, confirmation, or paperwork for each driver.
Don’t make someone responsible for the vessel spend the afternoon repeatedly declining your requests to drive it.
Food & Drinks
Favor provisions that work well aboard. Think sandwiches, fruit, easy snacks, bottled or canned drinks, and things that can be eaten without requiring a cutting board or culinary support team.
Be cautious with foods capable of leaving a permanent record of your visit. Red wine, greasy sauces, chocolate in summer, and aggressively orange snack dust all deserve consideration around light-colored marine upholstery.
There’s nothing inherently wrong with enjoying a drink on the water when it’s permitted and appropriate.
Just remember that your host is already responsible for a boat. They shouldn’t also become responsible for you.
Know your limits, drink water, and remember that docks, swim platforms, and moving boats become considerably less forgiving as the afternoon progresses.
Remember to hydrate, particularly as you are not the Captain so have less immediate control over when you pull in to re-provision.
Children
If you bring your children, remain their parent.
Boating is wonderfully social, and other adults will naturally help keep an eye on younger passengers. But the presence of six adults aboard does not automatically establish a rotating childcare cooperative.
Listen to the captain’s rules about life jackets, seating, swimming, and movement while underway, and make sure your children do too.
Respect the Boat
Food, drinks, sunscreen, bags, children, and personal belongings all deserve slightly more thought aboard a boat.
Keep your things reasonably contained. Each towel and water bottle do not each require their own seat.
Choose food that’s easy to eat and clean up. Ask before bringing glass. Be particularly thoughtful with anything that stains, melts, crumbles, or is capable of permanently changing the color of marine upholstery. If you wouldn’t eat it over your white carpet at home, give serious thought to whether it’s necessary on the boat.
Oh, and a word about sunscreen. Don’t create an aerosol SPF weather system over the cockpit.
Let the Captain Be the Captain
The person responsible for the boat gets the final word on…everything. Weather, safety, swimming, operation, and when it’s time to return. All of it. The captain is the boss, and generally that’s for everyone’s protection and enjoyment.
This remains true even if you’ve checked the radar on your phone and have thoughts. Particularly if you’ve checked the radar on your phone and have thoughts.
When the host says it’s time to head back, it’s time to head back.
“We need to return the boat” is information, not the captain’s suggestion. Resist the temptation to over-maximize your allotted time on the water by arriving within seconds of the Boat Club’s stated return time.
WHO PAYS FOR WHAT?
This may be the etiquette question friends are least likely to ask directly.
In most cases, don’t overcomplicate it. When someone shares access to their boating lifestyle with you, thoughtful reciprocity matters more than precise cost-sharing.
Your host has chosen to use their boat club membership for the outing. Unless they’ve specifically discussed sharing certain costs, trying to calculate the theoretical value of your seat aboard probably isn’t necessary. Reciprocity works better when it feels natural.
What you probably don’t need to do is Venmo your friend $143.17 with the notation boat stuff.
Before, During, and After the Boat Club
The best Boat Club guests don’t arrive with an encyclopedic knowledge of nautical etiquette. They simply understand that a little preparation makes the day easier for everyone, including your generous host.
Ask your host about anything that might vary from boat to boat, including the topics below.
Before You Go
Once You’re Aboard
Let your host explain anything you need to know about the boat. Don’t be afraid to ask questions, they will probably be glad you did instead of making an avoidable mistake in etiquette.
Keep your belongings together rather than gradually colonizing every available seat and cupholder. If the captain asks for help, help. If not, resist the temptation to become spontaneously nautical. Docking in particular is not improved by five people simultaneously deciding they should grab something.
Importantly, your Boat Club member may have a firm return time, another reservation behind them, or club procedures that aren’t obvious to guests.
So when you hear “We should probably start heading back,” interpret the word probably as a culturally polite way of saying right now.
Back at the Dock
The boating day isn’t over when the boat touches the dock.
Gather your belongings, help unload what you can, and make sure the host isn’t left discovering abandoned bags, personal items, and a mysterious single flip-flop after everyone else has headed for the parking lot.
You don’t need to scrub the boat. Most Boat Clubs take on the responsibility of cleaning the actual boat, just take your own belongings with you.
And finally, say thanks. It sounds obvious because it is to most people.
Someone used their membership, assumed responsibility for the boat, and invited you along. A sincere thank-you goes a long way.
So does buying lunch, bringing something useful, or returning the hospitality another time. Though still, there’s no need to make the day transactional. The objective isn’t to repay the invitation dollar for dollar.
It’s to make your host think sometime in the not-too-distant future: We should invite them again.
That’s really the entire etiquette guide in one sentence. Picture the kind of person who you would want to invite onto your boat, and imagine the type of person you would definitely not want to invite onto your boat. Be the first kind.
THE FINAL ANCHOR POINT
By late afternoon, the marina comes back into view. The music gets turned down. The person who insisted they “barely brought anything” somehow has nine separate items to carry off the boat. The carefree little world that existed aboard with your friends starts returning to ordinary life.
It would be easy to think the boat was what made the day. Nah, the boat simply provided the setting. What mattered was being invited into someone’s version of life on the water.
You don’t need boating expertise to be a great boat club guest. Arrive when you said you would. Bring what you said you’d bring. Respect the boat. Listen to the person responsible for it. Help when it’s useful.
Then relax and enjoy the reason you were invited in the first place. Do that particularly well, and sometime later your phone may light up again:
We have the boat on Saturday. Want to come again?
Boat Confidently.
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